The Feelings Stick

 

Any parent knows that when your kid is having a meltdown, you will do just about anything to get them through it. Since Jack turned 4 years old, his mood has become very fragile. He rarely throws a tantrum out of anger, but rather has an overly emotional response to something small in our perspective, but feels major to him. Often times it's rooted in disappointment - the way he wanted something done was not executed to the plan he had in his mind. For example: giving him the "wrong" cup for his milk.

In instances like this, I will remind Jack that I cannot read his thoughts, so if he wants something specific or done in a certain way, he needs to communicate that and I will help facilitate, within reason of course. Jack is very good at naming his feelings (frustrated, sad, etc.) and when he was very young, I started asking if he wants a hug when he's having big feelings. 90% of the time it's a yes, and the other times I'll sit near him and say, "I'm here whenever you're ready for a hug." Within a few minutes, we're hugging it out, talking it through and moving on.

Occasionally though, he gets so worked up so quickly, that his breathing becomes very rapid and out of control. We ordered a book from the school book fair called Mindful Me, Happy Me: Stay Cool at School, which offers tools to cope with big emotions - such as deep breathing and mantras. When Jack is in the midst of a meltdown, Greg or I will reference the monkeys in the story and help him take deep breaths. This technique had been working great, up until a few months ago.

A couple weeks back, his preschool teacher (whom we absolutely adore!) told me at pick-up that Jack had a very emotional morning and while she can usually get him to calm down and return to class, she was having a difficult time helping him regulate his breathing. The director of his daycare (fellow parent of a preschooler and all-around wonderful mom) suggested the Feelings Stick.

She had Jack show me how it works:

{Step 1}
smell the flower 
(big inhale)

{Step 2}
blow the pinwheel 

(big exhale)

It worked like a charm! By having a tangible tool with actionable steps, it helped Jack to focus on smelling the flower and blowing the pinwheel vs. mom & dad prompting him to breathe in and breathe out. Genius!

That weekend, we made one for him at home. It was an easy, quick and inexpensive craft - all we needed was a pinwheel, a faux flower and either tape or glue. I let Jack pick out the pinwheel and flower at Target, and once it was assembled, I sprayed some of my perfume on the flower to add an extra element of familiarity and security. I let him choose a spot in our home to keep it so he knows exactly where to find it whenever he needs it.